Chapter 143: The Internet Cafe Is My Home

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Legend of the Mage

Two mummies and a girl whispering to each other furtively by the main road were quite a sight, easily attracting everyone's attention. Driven ruthlessly out of the house early in the morning by Fifth Brother, who had to go out on "official business," the three brothers could only stand by the roadside and huddle together to discuss a countermeasure. They couldn't even go back home like this; if they did, something would definitely go wrong!

Although the street fight and injuries from the previous night had been smoothed over by Fifth Brother, they absolutely could not return looking like this, lest they worry their parents.

Fourth Brother was slightly better off. Aside from his two arms being exposed in a short-sleeved T-shirt with a rather gruesome sight, the rest of the bruises on his body were concealed. He just needed to sneak back when no one was home, put on a long-sleeved shirt and jeans, and the bruises wouldn't be noticed.

Lin Jia, however, was a different story. Although there were no marks on his head and face, and most of the bruises and scratches were on his back, his hands had been kneaded like dough by that bone-setting practitioner, coated in a thick, dark medicinal paste, and then meticulously wrapped finger by finger into a pair of mummies. Finally, large strips of gauze were used to bind each palm into two gigantic corn cobs, with the practitioner claiming this would keep his fingers immobilized and let the joint injuries heal as quickly as possible.

Now transformed into a robotic Doraemon, Lin Jia couldn't even bend his fingers, let alone his wrists. That quack doctor had strapped several bamboo splints to his wrists, leaving him only able to move his elbows; his lower arms were completely crippled.

Returning home looking like this would literally scare his parents to death!

"Why don't we just stay and play in the internet cafe for a few days, and go back after our injuries heal?" Fourth Brother offered a terrible idea.

"Nonsense!" Lin Jia waved his corn-cob hands and glared sideways. "If I don't go back at night, the family at least knows I'm online. If I'm gone from home for days on end, they'll definitely get suspicious!"

"Then what should we do?" Eldest Brother pointed at Lin Jia's "cobs" and said, "Looking like that, you can't even eat! That quack said your hands need to be wrapped like this for at least a week before they can be removed. Even after they're removed, the scars on your hands probably won't fade for months. Are you planning to live in the internet cafe for half a year?! Your parents are bound to find out eventually!"

With a miserable expression, Lin Jia squatted down by the curb, holding up his two cobs, and watched the cars rushing past. Suddenly, his eyes lit up, and he said, "What if I just say I was in a car accident last night? That my hands got hit by a car?!"

"Nonsense!"

"Idiot!"

Eldest and Fourth Brothers reacted in unison, causing Lin Jia to shrink his neck. Eldest Brother scolded, "You're usually not this stupid! Did getting hit in the head by those people yesterday turn you into an idiot?! If you say you were in a car accident, wouldn't that scare your mom and dad to death?! Once they examine you, the injuries all over your body will be exposed! Let's see how you explain it then!"

All three brothers squatted down by the curb, looking at the street traffic with distressed expressions, racking their brains for a solution.

"Let's do this!" Lin Jia gritted his teeth and said, "Later, after my dad goes to work and while my mom is out buying groceries and no one is home, you two come back with me and help me pack a few clothes. We'll leave a note for my parents saying the few of us arranged to go to Wuhan to play for a few days! We'll stay put until these two cobs are removed. By then, the bruises on our bodies should be mostly gone!"

"Looks like that's the only way... Let's go!" Eldest and Fourth Brothers stood up to move into action, but Lin Jia remained squatting seriously by the roadside. Eldest Brother called out in bewilderment, "What are you doing?! Let's go!"

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Lin Jia said through gritted teeth, "Damn it! Give me a hand! My whole body hurts everywhere! My legs are numb from squatting... I can't stand up!" Eldest and Fourth Brothers almost passed out from frustration.

To accommodate Lin Jia, Eldest and Fourth Brothers also lied to their parents back home, claiming they were going to Wuhan with Lin Jia for a few days. They strapped on backpacks and took changes of clothes, looking genuinely as if they were setting off on a trip.

Afterward, the three returned to Lin Jia's building, hiding in the stairwell until Lin Jia's parents left. Only then did they open the door and slip inside, hastily helping him stuff a few clothes and some money into a schoolbag. When it came to leaving a note, the draft written on Fourth Brother's behalf deeply dissatisfied Lin Jia: "Look at your handwriting! No! Absolutely not!"

Fourth Brother retorted angrily, "Damn it! You're complaining about my handwriting being ugly! You write even worse than I do!"

Lin Jia glared at him and said, "It's precisely because your handwriting looks better than mine that it won't work! Anyone can tell at a glance this isn't my handwriting! I'll write it myself!" With that, he raised his two corn-cob hands to get to work, only to find both brothers staring at his hands. He snorted, "Who says you can't write without fingers?! Watch me! Give me a hand!" Lin Jia had Fourth Brother thrust a ballpoint pen right through the gauze wrapping of his right hand, clamping it in the web of his thumb, and then had Eldest Brother steady the slip of paper. He began to write with grand, sweeping strokes.

When he finished, he looked at it with satisfaction and said, "Alright! Done! This looks just like my handwriting!" Eldest and Fourth Brothers curiously picked up the note, and Eldest Brother asked doubtfully, "Second Brother! Do your mom and dad even understand English?"

Lin Jia asked blankly, "They don't?"

"Then will they understand a note written in English?" Eldest Brother held the heavenly scripture up in front of Lin Jia.

"Damn it! I wrote in Chinese, okay?!" Lin Jia didn't blush at all as he looked at his own ghost-like scribbles and read aloud: "Mom and Dad: A few of us classmates got together and said we wanted to go to Wuhan for a trip. Since they aren't familiar with Wuhan, they asked me to come along as their tour guide! I'll also drop by and stay at Grandpa's place for a few days! Don't worry about us! We'll call you at noon when we arrive in Wuhan. You weren't home when we left! Your son: Lin Jia. Date... How's that?! Is my excuse good or what?!"

Fourth Brother said with a look of utter admiration, "Second Brother! Your parents' level of education is simply too high! I reckon even oracle bone script experts couldn't recognize these characters!"

"Get lost!"

After making arrangements all around, Lin Jia and the others hid in the Kexu Internet Cafe and used the cafe phone to call Lin Jia's relatives in Wuhan, notifying them that the group might arrive around noon. To avoid blowing their cover, Lin Jia intentionally called his eldest uncle's house, which lacked caller ID, preventing the area code from giving away their location. When it was almost 12 o'clock noon, Lin Jia called home again. This time, Lin Jia's dad answered, and Fourth Brother held the receiver right against Lin Jia's ear: "Hello! Dad?! It's me, Lin Jia! We've arrived in Wuhan!"

"You little rascal, how could you run off to Wuhan without even giving a heads-up?"

"Uh! You guys weren't home when I came back to grab my clothes! I left you a note! You wouldn't be at ease if I went anywhere else, but surely you're at ease if I'm in Wuhan, right?! A few of my classmates were nagging to come play in Wuhan!"

"Yeah! Fine! Don't mess around out there! Come back early! Pay attention to safety! Did you bring money? Don't spend it recklessly! Just now Xu Hongbin's mother called to ask if he went to Wuhan with you. Is he with you?"

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Lin Jia quickly shouted, "Fourth Brother! Tell my dad! Your mom called my house!"

Quick-witted, Fourth Brother took the receiver to his ear and spoke ingratiatingly to Lin Jia's father: "Uncle! Yeah! Yeah! If my mom calls to bother you again, just tell her I got lost! Sold to some mountain ravine by human traffickers! Tell her she doesn't need to look for me anymore, haha!"

Lin Jia's dad was amused by Fourth Brother and scolded with a laugh, "You little rascal! Spouting nonsense from morning till night! Be careful out there, you hear me?!"

Fourth Brother obediently uttered "yeah" for a good long while. Seeing Lin Jia frantically making faces at him and shaking his corn-cob hands to signal for the phone, Fourth Brother quickly told Lin Jia's father, "Ah, Uncle! Lin Jia wants to talk to you!" and promptly shoved the receiver back to Lin Jia's ear.

"Dad! Why do you keep nagging on and on? Oh, right! Dad, do me a favor and call Eldest Uncle's house. We aren't going to go there first after all; a few of my classmates said they want to go barbecue at the Ma'anshan Forest Park on the Wuchang side first, and we might go camping. Once we've had enough fun, we'll head over to Hankou. I lost my phone book in the car and don't remember the number! Read it to me!"

"Always losing things left and right!" His dad grumbled on the other end of the line while looking up Eldest Uncle's number and reciting it. Lin Jia had to pretend to write it down, making affirmative noises, and when the act was done, he blurted out: "Dad! That's it then! The bus is here! We're heading out!" Without waiting for his dad to keep saying hello on the other end, he quickly hung up the phone.

All three of them breathed a sigh of relief. They had somehow managed to bluff their way through!

"What now?" Lin Jia suddenly felt a bit lost.

"What else can we do? Go upstairs and surf the net, of course!" Fourth Brother solemnly announced, "I declare! We shall fight on in the internet cafe, eating, drinking, shitting, and sleeping for a full week! Now, I'm going out to procure food and potions... mineral water! Damn it! I'm too used to saying that! Eldest, go help the lunatic get a pair of glasses, and you..." Fourth Brother looked at Lin Jia, who was currently reduced to the status of a disabled person. Lin Jia laughed sheepishly, never expecting there would be this perk to getting injured—no running errands!

Yet, Lin Jia quickly realized the misery of being a disabled person! His current hands couldn't use the internet! His corn-cob-wrapped hands struggled mightily just to turn on the computer, requiring him to squat on the ground and jab the power button several times with his cudgels to boot it up. After that, all he could do was stare blankly at the mouse and keyboard. Lin Jia thought through clenched teeth that once he made money in the future, he would definitely donate a huge sum to disabled people!

With the greatest of difficulty and using both hands—and nearly his feet—he managed to open a movie file. Lin Jia resignedly started watching a movie. How on earth was he going to survive this week?!

...

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