Chapter 35: A War of Words at the Vermilion Gym

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“The challenges at our Vermilion Gym have always been divided into two categories: a battle of wits and a Pokémon battle. As long as you win either one, you’ll earn the spoils of victory—the Orange Badge.”

As he spoke, Lieutenant Surge produced a badge shaped like a tiny sun. Ash’s eyes immediately lit up with longing.

Wait...

A battle of wits?

Ash frowned, wondering what kind of nonsense this was supposed to be.

Could a battle of wits leave that poor Rattata scorched on the outside, tender on the inside, and smelling delicious?

Even the lieutenant’s underlings looked utterly bewildered.

Since when did the famously unreasonable Vermilion Gym offer a battle of wits?

Ash could not help glancing up at Lieutenant Surge’s tall, formidable physique. In a battle of wits... he might actually have a slight advantage.

Over the past few days, he had even found time to memorize the type-effectiveness chart again. He could now recall roughly thirty percent of it, which gave him considerable confidence.

...

Before long, Lieutenant Surge shouted toward the back of the gym.

An old man emerged. His face was covered in white whiskers, and he wore a pair of enormous sunglasses.

Ash could not make out a single one of his features. The old man was also carrying a book in his arms.

He was less than a meter tall, and the moment he appeared, he fixed his gaze on Pikachu. Ash secretly wondered whether this fellow might actually be Team Rocket’s Meowth in disguise.

“Ahem. This is the president of the Pokémon Club, as well as the honorary president of Vermilion City’s Electric Mouse Enthusiasts’ Association. He will serve as the judge for today’s battle of wits.”

Lieutenant Surge introduced him.

“Good afternoon, sir,” Ash and the others hurriedly greeted him.

The president nodded, then casually tossed Ash a piece of candy.

“This is a Rare Candy. It can strengthen a Pokémon’s muscles. Though, I must say, your Pikachu looks a little... out of shape.”

Ash instinctively tore open the wrapper and popped the candy into Pikachu’s mouth.

“Pika...”

Pikachu smacked its lips a few times and swallowed it, then gave its ears a shake. Nothing unusual happened.

A fake.

...

The battle of wits began.

“Ahem. These are all things that any properly qualified Trainer should know. Now, let the contest begin.”

The president opened his thick book and looked sternly between the two contestants.

“First question: What type is Pikachu?”

At that, the corners of Ash’s mouth rose.

What kind of question was this? Was he being insulted?

“It’s an Electric type!”

He immediately buzzed in. Lieutenant Surge merely pursed his lips, in no hurry to answer.

“One point to Ash. The score is now one to zero.”

The president nodded and asked the next question.

“Second question: What is Pikachu’s Ability?”

“...?”

Ash’s face suddenly stiffened.

Come to think of it, he really did not know what Pikachu’s Ability was...

Normally, Pikachu liked to pull out its own bedding and take naps whenever it had nothing else to do. Perhaps that meant it had the Ability Lazy?

It also loved to eat. Maybe it had Gluttony?

In the end, Ash could only stammer uncertainly:

“Thick... Thick Fat?”

Was this really knowledge that a normal Trainer was expected to possess?

“Static or Lightning Rod!”

Lieutenant Surge could not help laughing. His tone then acquired a hint of mockery.

“You don’t even know your own Pikachu’s Ability? You’re hardly a qualified Trainer.”

Ash was just about to argue when the Pokédex in his pocket suddenly emitted a notification chime.

“Beep beep. Pikachu, an extremely common Pokémon. Ability: Thick Fat.”

Lieutenant Surge: “?”

For a moment, even the club president was stunned. He lowered his head and spent a long while studying Pikachu’s physique.

The Pokédex had never lied.

Could this be some kind of mutation?

In the end, the president had no choice but to skip the question, leaving the score at one to zero.

“Third question: What item does Pikachu need in order to evolve into Raichu?”

Ash’s whole body trembled. He immediately buzzed in.

“Haha! I know this one! It’s an Electrizer!”

Lieutenant Surge and the president: “?”

“Beep beep. Pikachu’s evolution item: Electrizer.”

The Pokédex added that last sentence as though trying to make its answer more convincing.

Lieutenant Surge and the president: “???”

The previous question had already left them deeply confused. For one brief second, they had even wondered whether they might actually be the ones who were wrong.

But the answer to this question was definitely a Thunder Stone.

That was how Lieutenant Surge’s Raichu had evolved. There could be no mistake.

So the true root of all evil was that Pokédex, was it? What a terrible influence on the young.

The score became one to two. The president awarded Surge the point from the previous question as well, and was even tempted to smash the Pokédex.

...

“Fourth question: What is the optimal diet for Pikachu?”

Ash: “?”

This time, he finally managed to see the title on the book in the president’s hands.

The Care and Feeding of Electric Mice.

What a joke. Since when was this normal Trainer knowledge?

But now that he had started, he had to grit his teeth and continue. Ash once again stammered out a tentative answer.

“More meat, fewer vegetables?”

“Seventy percent electric-mouse feed, twenty-five percent fruits, vegetables, and seeds, and ten percent snacks! Clearly, you have no idea how to raise an electric mouse.”

Lieutenant Surge recited the answer flawlessly and scored another point.

Ash: “...”

That ratio adds up to more than a hundred percent, doesn’t it...?

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Before long, Ash was defeated as thoroughly as an avalanche sweeping away a mountain.

The later questions covered everything from how to massage an electric mouse’s stomach to prevent depression, to measures for preventing heatstroke—topics he had never even heard of.

The final and most difficult question was even worse: When an electric mouse is doing certain things, which position is best?

By the time he heard it, Ash’s face was burning with embarrassment.

The score was one to nine. Technically, it counted as a narrow defeat.

Apart from knowing Pikachu’s type in the first question, Ash had failed to earn a single point.

“Young man, you are not a qualified electric-mouse Trainer. Why not simply release it?”

After the match, the president even offered that perfectly reasonable suggestion.

That finally sent Ash into a complete rage.

“Hmph! Who needs all these manuals? As long as Pikachu is happy, that’s what truly matters! Isn’t that right, Pikachu?”

“Pika...?”

Pikachu turned its head toward him.

As it stared, its yellow face inexplicably began to flush crimson. Shyly, it looked away from Ash.

It was still thinking about the knowledge covered in that final question.

“Pikachu, you...!”

Ash’s breath caught. He trembled with fury.

At last, he slapped both cheeks, clenched his fists, and rallied himself once more.

“A real man fights face-to-face! This battle-of-wits nonsense is completely ridiculous. Even if I win, I won’t accept that badge!”

Of course, if he actually won, that would be a different matter.

Seeing this, Lieutenant Surge felt his own fighting spirit flare. He clapped his hands, and his underlings quickly cleared out an area for battle.

“Although you lost the battle of wits, you can still earn my Orange Badge by winning a Pokémon battle.”

“One-on-one. And the Pokémon I’m sending out is my ace—Raichu!”

“Raichu!”

Raichu, which had been watching from the sidelines, strode forward. It slammed its two thick brownish-yellow fists together, while electricity crackled within the cheek pouches on its face.

It was actually rather fed up with its Trainer’s so-called battle-of-wits theory as well.

The man was always going on about positions and positions. Could he not take Raichu out for a real battle once in a while?

Hmph. Today, it would vent its frustration on this little electric mouse!

“Raichu~!”

Raichu crooked a finger at Pikachu, who was still blushing and contemplating the meaning of life.

“Stop daydreaming, Pikachu! This time, we have to beat that guy!”

Ash’s voice jolted Pikachu back to reality.

“Pika!”

It took a deep breath, puffed out its little belly, and slowly walked up to Raichu, its eyes filled with determination.

It was time to clock in for work!

The two electric mice arrived at the center of the battlefield. Their bellies pressed against each other, neither willing to yield, while sparks flew from their eyes...

...