Chapter 53: Rare (Please Keep Reading)

Ao Xi returned to the station and uploaded the contents of the USB drive to the system.

But the chances of catching someone in this kind of theft case were practically zero. First, the thief had disguised himself well—there was barely a glimpse of his face. Second, the value of the stolen goods was too low to warrant much effort; they’d just run a cursory search through the database—if they found something, great, if not, so be it. For example, according to FBI statistics from 2022, the clearance rate for residential burglaries in the U.S. was a shocking 13%.

So to all the brothers out there—steal away with confidence; if the cops actually catch you, I’ll eat my hat.

The cash register was actually a bit easier to track. An all-in-one register was of little use to a thief; it would have to be sold through certain channels, and by now it could very well be lying in some secondhand shop. But again, there were no guarantees. Maybe that junkie was still high and hadn’t had time to sell it, or maybe the secondhand shop was hiding it, waiting for the heat to die down, or maybe the cops had simply missed checking a particular shop.

But with clearance rates like these, reporting a theft was little more than a gesture of psychological comfort.

Ao Xi, however, was in good spirits—he’d scored a free USB drive, and a Kingston, no less.

He idly fiddled with it, but then something felt off. He brought it closer for a careful look.

“What the hell! ‘Kingston’ spelled ‘kingston’ in all lowercase!”

On genuine drives, all the letters were uppercase; this one was all lowercase. No wonder the manager had been so quick to part with it. Who knew if this was a product of Wenzhou, Yiwu, or Shenzhen’s infamous Huaqiangbei electronics district.

Annoyed, Ao Xi wanted to toss it in the trash, but Mark—who’d just returned from dropping off a suspect—caught sight of it.

“Why throw it away? That’s such a waste. If you don’t want it, give it to me.” Mark snatched it from him. “It’s a Kingston—nice, nice.”

“That’s two meals you owe me now.”

Mark was about to toss the USB back when his eyes lit up. “Wait here a sec.”

He dashed out and returned, tossing Ao Xi a bag.

Ao Xi glanced inside—there was a burger and a sandwich. “What’s this supposed to be?”

Mark stood with his hands on his hips, looking smug. “Burger counts as one meal, sandwich as the other. Now we’re even.”

Ao Xi stared in disbelief. How had Mark managed to outmaneuver him like this?

“Come on, you’re being stingy. At least spring for some barbecue.”

“I’m broke.”

“Please, you’re not living paycheck to paycheck! Who are you fooling?”

Mark wore an expression of utter defeat. “Jessica bought a few durians, wanted to have a durian feast at home. But when she heated them up, the durian flesh exploded everywhere! Now I have to pay a fine to the apartment committee, apologize to the neighbors, hire cleaners for the kitchen and living room—the smell is so bad we can’t even stay at home; we’ve had to move into a hotel. Honestly, months of savings, gone.”

“No wonder you reek—I didn’t want to say anything.”

Mark sniffed at himself, then shook his head. “I’m used to it now. Can’t even tell.”

“No worries, brother. If anyone complains about the smell, just say you had an upset stomach and didn’t clean up properly.”

“I’m going to kill you!”

Ao Xi took off running, Mark chasing close behind. But as Mark ran, he noticed his colleagues pinching their noses and eyeing him warily, so he gradually gave up the pursuit.

Seeing that Mark wasn’t chasing anymore, Ao Xi strolled leisurely to the patrol car.

Mark was really lucky to have found a girlfriend like Jessica.

Ao Xi didn’t feel like wandering the streets aimlessly—too tiring. He decided to find a spot to lie low and hand out a few tickets.

He parked on the roadside, switched on the radar, and waited for some unlucky soul to speed by.

If it weren’t for the dashcam, Ao Xi would’ve been tempted to sneak out his phone and game for a bit.

Thud.

Suddenly, the patrol car lurched as if something had landed on the roof. Ao Xi hurried out and turned around, only to be left speechless.

A huge, naked, bald Black man was standing on the roof of his car, shaking his hips and dancing.

“Get down from there!”

The man struck a pose and shot Ao Xi a sultry look. “No~”

“No, my ass! Get down!” Ao Xi cursed under his breath, his right hand twitching toward his holster more than once before he finally gave up.

That only encouraged the guy, who danced even harder.

A line from a movie popped into Ao Xi’s head: “Can you dance even sluttier?”

Apparently, yes—this guy’s gyrations sent ripples across his belly, his dark skin jiggling wildly.

But Ao Xi couldn’t bring himself to drag the man down—he really didn’t want to touch him.

Left with no choice, he reported in. “Dispatch, this is Adam 388. There’s a naked guy dancing on top of my patrol car. Requesting backup.”

“Say that again?” Even dispatch sounded skeptical.

“There’s a naked Black male, about thirty, dancing on my patrol car roof. He’s caved in the roof—please send backup!”

“Copy that. Please wait, we’re sending units now.”

Ao Xi could vaguely hear laughter over the radio.

What are you laughing at? Just wait till I drag this guy in front of you—let’s see you laugh then!

The man atop the car seemed to tire and plopped down on the roof, not caring about the heat.

“It’s hot up there—come down. I’ll buy you an ice-cold Coke, how about that?”

“You buy it first.”

Not as dumb as he looked.

Yeah, right. Like I’m really going to buy you a Coke.

Ao Xi rolled his eyes, racking his brain for a way to get the guy down without touching him.

Before he’d come up with a solution, several patrol cars screeched up.

Why so many?

When Ao Xi saw who stepped out, he felt thunderstruck.

Great. I’ll never live this down.

“How’s it going, Ao Xi? As soon as dispatch called, I rallied the troops—didn’t leave a single one behind.” Mark, that traitor, had brought Wally, Rick, and Antrim along.

The four of them circled Ao Xi and his car, snickering.

The guy on the roof, seeing the crowd, perked up and began bouncing and shaking, flapping his little toothpick around.

“Enough with the jokes—get him down already!”

“It’s your car, you do it.”

“I don’t want to touch him.”

“Neither do I.”

It was Antrim who finally took the initiative. He stepped forward. “Hey, buddy, had enough? Time to come down.”

“No! I want to dance. How am I doing?”

“You can dance all you want in the holding cell.” Antrim went back to his car, grabbed some gloves, and handed them out to Ao Xi and Mark.

Ao Xi pulled them on, shooting a glare at the dawdling Mark. “Let’s just do this, brother. I’ll buy you guys dinner, all right?”

“I want to go to Providence—I hear their seafood is amazing.”

Providence was a Michelin three-star restaurant. Whatever the food was like, the price was definitely “amazing.”

“Maybe you should just go home and eat durian.”

“Come to my place,” Wally chimed in. “My wife loves having guests. Bring your girlfriends too. We have a big backyard—plenty of space for fun, and we can grill, drink beer, whatever you like.”

“That sounds great.”

“If it’s not too much trouble.”

“Of course not. How about tomorrow night?”

“Hey, guys, can you show me a little respect? Dancing up here is hard work, okay?” The man on the roof, hearing them chat so merrily, was getting annoyed.

They exchanged a look, then moved in, surrounding him. Antrim opened the car door, climbed onto the running board, and grabbed the man’s arm, tugging him down.

The others rushed to help—some grabbing his legs, others holding his head.

The man fought wildly, kicking a side mirror clean off.

Wally slapped cuffs on him. “All right, buddy. At first it was just public indecency, but now you’ve damaged a patrol car. That escalates things. I’m officially informing you: you’re under arrest for public indecency and willful destruction of public property. Once we get to the station, you can call your lawyer—if you have one.”